Summer Plans Shot

I finally found out what's wrong with my knee... Torn cartilage and soft tissue damage. No MRI until mid way through the summer. No heavy walking or exercise until then. Too bad I've already signed up for tennis this summer, and now I won't be able to do that or work out. Even driving will be a difficult and painful task--driving a standard with a bum knee is brutal, especially when it's the leg that is constantly on and off the clutch. Forever hating life away.

End rant.

Oh Irony..

It's ironic, isn't it? We always go back to the ones who hurt us the most. It's like we crave pain; heartbreak is a disease that we're just itching to feel. But now that sounds crazy. What kind of sick masochists are we to desire pain? It's not always physical pain either, despite that bruise on our arm that we keep poking at, even though we let out a little yelp of pain every time. So, what is it about emotional pain that draws us in? The only thing I can think of is that pain is real, one of, if not, the realest emotion a human will ever be able to feel. It goes straight to your core, sticks in your mind like an awful stench. Still, this makes the human race sound absolutely absurd. But it's nothing less than the truth. An example of this is a girl going back to the boy who broke her heart, over and over, tore her apart, over and over, belittled her, degraded her, pushed her limits and disrespected her so many times that his ancestors were more than likely rolling over in their graves. So why does she go back? Because she desires pain? Maybe. But, even though he may be a scum ball, he is what makes her the happiest. No one is ever able to wrap their head around that concept until they're wearing those shoes. And even when places in the position of the seemingly damsel in distress, does the situation become even more unclear. So why do we do it? Most of us will never know, we just blame it on love's perpetual blindness.

Limerick

An old woman ran for the hills
In her hands, she held one hundred bills
“I am rich!” she proclaimed
Her wallet no long’r maimed
Such joy brought her the greatest of chills

Everyone always says that we’re too young. Teenagers don’t know what love is, don’t know what pain is, what stress is, what true happiness is. We don’t know anything because we’re too young. But that’s a bunch of BS. We feel all those things, and we take everything to heart. When you’re a teenager, you have your first love, your first heartbreak, you get jealous, you get angry, you get stressed, and you have days of absolute happiness. There’s a lot that we deal with that is hidden from the outside world. Teenagers deal with things that are way over their heads, and usually, they deal with them by themselves. They escape a bit through blogging, music, writing, as well as many other things. In the end, it all comes down to that one over-used cliche, don't judge a book by its cover.

Musings

How can something that makes you so happy be the reason for your sadness? When you have it, you’re happy but in the next moment you’re at your lowest point. It seems almost like an oxymoron. Yet these are the things we as humans crave the most in our lives. Secretly, we desire the things that destroy us. We thrive off heartbreak and disappointment, but we yearn for ultimate happiness. It makes sense then as to why we go to see movies, hoping for a happy ending, but with a plot twist that usually equates to some type of setback and/or loss for the main character. That’s also why we love gossip—we secretly enjoy hearing of other people’s sorrows simply so we can say ‘Gee, thankfully that’s not me.’

People suck.

New Start

This was the beginning of real life, she thought to herself as she wove through the large crowd. There was no going back now. Her stomach felt like a thousand butterflies were fluttering around, and her heart felt like it was in her throat. The plane ticket felt so right in her hand, like this was all meant to be. She was about to hop on a plane that would take her to her new home, thousands of miles away. In her new city she didn’t know anyone or where anything was, there was no real reason for her to move either, she was doing it to live out her dream.

As she got onto the plane, she envisioned how the tropical sun would feel against her skin, as well as the slight breeze from the ocean. She pictured the beautiful sounds the birds would sing, and she’d have a hop in her step, humming along with the birds.

She belong in the tropics, cold weather was not her thing. She could handle the bugs, the heat and the humidity; she was also excited to adjust to the season switch. In North America it was winter, in Australia it was summer. That was a pretty easy switch, she thought as she smiled to herself.

Hours later, the plane landed and she was the first one to jump out of her seat. She was too excited to even notice the stiffness in her legs from sitting for so long. As she made her way through the airport her excitement grew. This was it, life began now.

Whirlwind

Her life was like a movie, she mused. One of those overly dramatic ones, where it’s one thing after another, and tonight was the climax.

After being accused of things she didn’t do and having him tell her that he didn’t love her, she was furious with him. She had been biting her tongue the entire relationship, afraid to anger him, afraid to lose him. But that all changed tonight—she finally had enough. Tonight she was going to give him a piece of her mind.

That was until he bluntly said, “When I die, you’re going to be the reason why.” That comment stopped her right in her tracks.

She repeatedly told him that he was better than that, but he was too stubborn to listen. It wasn’t until a mutual friend of theirs told her that the last thing he said to them was that he was not okay and walking in traffic. That’s when panic ensued.

She messaged every single one of her friends as well as her, urging them all to go out and search for him. The comments he made no longer mattered, only his safety. For an hour she frantically searched for him, only to come up empty handed. It neared the early hours of the morning and her heart was in her throat until she finally heard that he was safe with his brother.

She spoke with his brother briefly and he assured her that he would keep him safe. She finally started to settle down and considered sleeping after spending the last three nights sleepless. Just when she calmed herself, she got another message from his brother apologizing for talking to her at this time but that his brother insisted he speak with her on the phone, and refusing anything else until then.

Concerned, she obliged and anxiously waited to hear her boyfriend’s voice on the phone.

It wasn’t, however, the one she was used to hearing every night. It was quiet, groggy and unfocused. He didn’t sound sober, in fact, he sounded barely alive.
Her mind was racing again, trying to figure out what he could have possibly done to himself. It wasn’t until morning that she learned that he had mixed several ecstasy pills with alcohol, and that she was the reason why.